petang 6 setengah

"Don't fear poverty. Plan and spend for Allah's sake. He will pay you back, and more." - Aiman Azlan

Yes! aku takut kemiskinan. hidup tanpa duit. mula memikirkan kehidupan berumahtangga satu bebanan. yes! tu lah aku. kadang-kadang memikirkan kehidupan lalu akan lebih cerah tanpa si bekas. tapi ini lah jalan aku. benda dibelakang tak boleh dikembalikan. pasrah dengan apa yang berlaku.

cerita sekarang. peluang sekarang. diberi nikmat menyambung pelajaran lagi. walaupun terfikir loser, tetapi berapa ramai yang mahu di kedudukan aku? "syukur, aku masih disini." - Altimet. 

cerita sekarang. cinta sekarang. diberi nikmat bersama seorang lelaki. fikiran berumahtangga menjadi sesuatu yang dinanti. 

bebanan hanyalah cabaran. tanpa cabaran tiada lah usaha. tiada usaha hanyut dibuai mimpi lena. kalah. mati.

"beban. cabaran. usaha. menang. hidup." - nchahawari

& she will survive.

Alhamdulilah syukur ya Allah

diberi oksigen tuk bernafas.
dikelilingi orang yang menyayangi.

counting days.

ya Allah mohon permudahkan semuanya.

p/s: i love u mr. Y, because u r the best.

my happy night!

Today i got an email. i just want say "Alhamdulilah!"
speechless. even ye lah mmg dah tau sdg apply master, but at the same time rasa cam tkt jugak mn tahu application reject ke kan? tp tibe2 tgh2 mlm jam 1 pagi dpt email. mule2 rasa mcm alaaa sape plak nk email mlm2 buta ni? sekali 1st thing i saw application approved terus bukak laptop g website upm. terus print out. terus panggil mama. terus menerus rasa bersyukur ya Allah! syukur teramat. ye lah b4 this nk buat research pn cm tak confident sgt sbb pk np lah offer letter lambat sgt kuar? hhihi.. sekali dah kua ni tibe2 rs mcm nak kawen je! apesal rs nk kawen pon aku tak paham. hahah! tu lah die. rs happy syukur semua ada.. tp hari ni (Jumaat) mmg rs happy sbb dapat byk feedback..

hah!! ni 2 mende yang membuat aku happy! hahah! 2-2 dapat feedback. satu tu pasai byrn as a RA. satu lagi tu pasal feedback dr kraftangan. syukur ya Allah! mmg Allah bg peluang sangat dan memudahkan semua hal even mmg teruk jugak b4 this aku mencari kehulu kehilir. the point is, NEVER GIVE UP! hihi..

Alhamdulilah.

Always put ur trust on Allah. He will help. cepat atau lmbt bergantung pada diri kita sendirik.

>.<

malam

"I think I'll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Later's better than never

Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive"

malam ni rindu mr. Y.

ala.

selalu biasa je.

:'(

aduh

aduh.. feeling suck everyday. mencari orang nk buat kraftangan ni mcm nk gile.. tu lah die.. master kan. nak sangat. haha! tak pe lah. mende kecik je ni. wahahha! rajin kan diri nisya. u r the best. please don't quit.

 its alright. 

ya, i will not quit. 

flirty

speechless.

kau lah paling aku nk pelokciom wahai matt.

typo today

"I can make it through the rain 

I can stand up once again on my own 

And I know that I'm strong enough to mend

And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 

And I live one more day and I make it through the rain"

the problem not solving yet stay in my mind.

member cite pasal msalah hdup. aku kian takut. takutkan masa depan.

atau aku perlu bersyukur dengan apa yang ade skrg.

takut.

always on my mind. bila nak get out ni?

bila boleh aku start berdikari? selama ini makan bersuap berhidang.

kalau aku keluar berdikari, boleh ke aku survive?

kalau aku keluar berdikari, boleh ke aku?

it just can't

maybe it's not a right time to think.

or maybe i should start to think it in this time.

what im supposed to do?

im afraid of difficult. still hanging.

the suggestion?

just a place

image from google.com

someday, i will be there. stand in front of this magnificent building.

>.<

keep dreaming, and make it real!

Dessau, Germany

bile rasa.

pening memikirkan masa depan.

otak terasa kegegaran.

terhuyung-hayang menanti.

masa depan.

oh.

masa depan.

pergelutan

bergelut dgn perasaan sendirik.

im totally lost. deep in my own sin.

Allah, please forgive me every single day.

Decembah!

homai.. early december berjalan sangat not so good lah..
sbb another few month je nk masuk intake february. hamainooooo!

mcm mano ni? suddenly rasa not prepare at all. aishhh.. semangat tu ade tp cuma malas kot. rs cam heaven on earth je bile duk uma, makan pakai semua terhidang. haha! seriously, kdang2 rindu zaman kat unimas lebih2 lagi mase tahun satu dan tahun dua. sebab time tu tgh semangat yang tinggi dalam menjalani kehidupan seharian sebagai seorang pelajar yang no-so-berdedikasi. haha! i still remember, 1st class, semua budak tak masuk kelas lagi, i mean still mood holiday, aku lah orang pertama yg smngt g kelas. awal sem mmg aku rajin. sbb tak nk ade cacat dalam attendant lah konon. so, easier for me later on nk ponteng kan. hahahhahhahah! kuangajaqqqq... well, tariknafaspanjang* for now tu semua kenangan. sokey sokey. i really miss kelas design tech. especially kelas ID. sebab kelas yang melibatkan project individu. sbb kalau team ni, oh yaaaaa.. for sure lah kan byk probs. kelas interactive multimedia adalah satu2 nya kelas design tech yang aku mmg hang/jem/blur gile kalau masuk kelas tu.. tak pasal2 boleh dapat A-. lect die mmg susah kot nak bgi A. tu yang aku dgr from graphic student lah. haha! but aku mmg puas hati sbb kelas tu mmg aku sanggup google tutorial adobe flash. tulisan gerak2 bagai. hehe. syukur gile kot.. niat kat hati nak sambung multimedia mcm tu jugak lah.. but atas nasihat dari seorang kawan, plus at the same time offer upm tu sampai, so, terpaksa batalkan niat. yes, mmg terpakse. but sokey, i found something more interesting. haha! 

pray for my success. don't be late like always. keep dreaming and don't lose hope.

ok, story about early december, look what i've done!

taraaa! i making a kapkek! sweetnyeee! haha! its like u get into bakul and u pick up ur self. erti kata lain, aku taktahu matsaleh pnye peribahasaan. yes dear, i made it by my own self. hihi.. oh ya, pic sebelah tu mmg kapkek paling mengade sepanjang zaman namanye sbb bubuh name kite gan pakwe kite. mmg saje je letak name kite senget2 sebab nampak tgh ngegeh2 kat pakwe kite. ehhh? paling mengade kau. nk jd cheta ke? tkdekenemengena*

well, it's already a month and few days anniversary for me+boyfriend. hihi. lewat beberapa hari je pun eleh..

tak nak cakap pape sbb penat dah bercintatakmenjadi. nak focus kerjaya and get married. 

semoga Allah permudahkan urusan/ jodoh/ rezeki ku dunia akhirat. tu saje untuk hari ni..

kbai. >.<

Throwback

Teringat zaman FYP dulu. ahhhhh! patutkah masuk blog?

usaha keras mcm batu.

sokey, 

still ia kenangan masa lampau supaya dimasa akan datang tidak akan mengulangi kekalahan ketika ini.

and also tak faham knp pic ala-ala cheta ni boleh masuk here?

haha!

demm.. tp kerusi ni aku tetap suke.

membe punye furniture. :)

malas strike!

Malas malas malas.

keinginan buat research, baca buku, and even menaip pon malas.

cuaca kat luar pon mcm winter jugak. oh puhlease since when malaysia ade winter?

this year, probably, terlepas aku nak merasa winter. sokey, another next year hade. haha!

life utk past 6 month ni mmg horrible. erhh! tak nk repeat balik! teruknye.. masa byk gile terbuang. tp everytime terpikir mende mcm ni, esok buat balik. pagi bgn lewat. lunch, tgk tv, online, main game, sembang sepatah dua gan parent, then here i am. still zero. keje byk. but tangguh2.. aduhaimakaihhhh..

4 Dec:
- Dapatkan usahawan yang nk buat anyaman.
- Prepare for proposal
- Baca buku tambahkan ilmu.

ahhh! i just dont know how to start. (>.<")
doakan dipermudahkan urusan, rezeki dan ehhhmmm jodoh jugak. haha!
ok bai.

mood: sleepy. grrrr!!! mengantok pls go away.

p/s: i love you, Mr. Y.

everything happen for a reason.

im afraid to get married! omaigod! ahhh.. pembuka bicara sangat cliche. tukar - tukar..

i want to be somebody who get a reason for live. hehe.
what that's mean?
dude.. it mean, err.. wait, my mind still figure out what meaning of the question...
loading...

what is the best thing i really want in my life?
still loading..

who i really want to be my love life?
Yazid.

im so tired to be in love again.
enough say.
berdoa, itu lah kunci kebahagian sebenar.

study lah study!
bila nak jadi kaya raya ni?

haha,

hidup tak perlu harapkan duit mama dan bapak.

duit duit duit.
nak hidup kene duit.
tak ade duit mati.
mati ape?
mati akal?
mati jasad?
mati minda?

apa beza minda dan akal?

Allah tuhanku, Muhammad persuruhMu.

kepadaNya ku beriman.

in sha Allah. sampai masa, Allah tetapkan.

permudahkanlah.

moving forward

keep ponder, dapat ke aku study abroad nanti? aduh. ex-lect boleh plak mention aritu suh belajar kat korea. eh ehhh.. korea lagi? nk try g UK lah. oi besauuu nye cite2 aku ni. in sha Allah dapat aku nanti. cite-cite nk jadik kaya. mmg lah skrg bole dapat mcm2 tp semua through my dad and mama. ape bende usaha tak de. tk nk lah smpi bile nk harap kat dwg. aduh.. bole ni sha, bole ni.. cuba lagi. usaha lagi. kalau gv up sekali pon, teruskan usaha. byk lagi cara nk dapatkan cite-cite menjadi kenyataan. hihi.. >.<

Hey, I am in love.

a few weeks ago, i said how im afraid to fall again.

after i done my solat istikarah, alhamdulilah i follow my heart and i am in love again.

alhamdulilah for now, my love life going up! i shouldn't feel worried to fall again. i have a new boyfriend! yeeeayyy! ok, my plan now is keep moving forward. study hard. be what i want to be. i want to study abroad. i want to be a researcher. i want to be a enthusiastic person. i want and i have to be.

and now i have a few things i start to falling.

i love my family, i love my boyfriend, i love my friend.
i love iphone 5s, i love macbook pro, i love travelling, i love aaargghhh! i got so many thing i want in my life.
omaigod, omaigod, omaiiiigooooddddd.
i have to work hard.
don't give up. don't forget to pray.
just live your life.

>.<
keep blessing.

masih

masih tak dapat nk melepaskan kenangan lalu?

masya Allah. tolong la hambamu ini. 'nak tikar sembahyang, sila doa di sini'

hhihi.. in sha Allah, nisya kuatkan smngt kamu.

u can do it. in sha Allah, ini mungkin terbaik utk kamu.

it's just a song, don't keep imagine your feeling for now. i know it's hurt.

but, anything can cure. just be patient, move forward and feel freedom.

amin..

he is the best thing? did he?

hari ni aku private kan acc blog aku supaya aku sorang je boleh baca dan mngarut swg2.. ahha!

today i made a mistake. huge mistake i guess.

i'm start to falling in love with someone. i know i shouldn't do it.
but my heart pounds everything he text me.
he lots of caring. supportive. happiness.
but i'm just afraid to fall again.
afraid to lose somebody.
i should be strong.

sigh* ponder*

i shouldn't fall in love. i shouldn't fall in love. i shouldn't fall in love.

keep my dream to study abroad. i don't think i can make it. T.T

i know someday i will leave him. just like a man before.

easily for me to falling in love right?
how i miss my past. but i have to let it go. throw away that memories.
because i don't want my past. i want my future.

sometimes parent talk about marriage, i feel like, ouuuwii! i like to heard that.

unfortunately, im afraid of that thing.
everybody keep saying that marriage is full of happiness.
but the one thing i keep thinking is responsible.
why?
i hate this feeling, really hate this feeling.
please, dear love, please go away for a while.
i promise to you, you can come back after i ready to face it, again.

i can't keep my promise to love you forever.

how to do it? how to deal with it?

life full of sadness.

back to religion, keep pray to Allah, my Lord.
well, Alhamdulilah thanks Allah for giving me this love feeling i really appreciate it.

love is so complicated.

i don't want to hurt anybody heart anymore.

Keraskan hati untuk bercinta, 

your bright future awaiting, nisha.

Goodnight story for tonight.

It's over and done, but the heartache lives on inside.

nchafact#2

"How can I love when I'm afraid to fall"

it's 3.51PM

life sometimes can be so boring, sometimes so excited.

how about my life? always up side down.

nchafact#1

nchafact#1: I don't like to wear shawl.

because it's wasting my time.

and sometimes i get choked while wearing it.

It's tonight.

Malam ni tak ade ape cerita banyak pun. menyesali diri sebab lately asik bangun lewat, tidur lewat. ape pun lewat. oh! what will happen to me next?

i updated my status this evening, and it's "Just received a called from my supervisor and Alhamdulilah my application was successful. Currently waiting for an offer letter. — feeling excited."

syukur lah. but now I'm waiting for an offer letter. yes, then next stage, apply for scholarship. hihi. I'm feeling so excited. never give up on my life for now. never, ever, ever.. hehe..

Alhamdulilah, walaupun offer tak ade lah gempaq mana, but a girl like, bile dapat tawaran mcm ni, syukur sgt. someday i will become a researcher. in sha Allah. hey, i have a big dream to study abroad, dont forget about it. usaha penting. jgn gv up dan jgn terus melakukan perkara yang sia-sia. berdoa pada Allah, supaya hidup ini diberkati, meminta pertolongan pada Allah. walaupun Dia atur hidup kite mcm ni, but still kita masih ade peluang utk mengubahnya dengan memohon pada Allah. kita yg buat silap, bukan Allah. do remember that.

well, hoping tomorrow morning dapat bangun awal dan study. sbb skrg life mmg up side down. haha.

cuba utk bangun jam 8 pg, or atleast after subuh, dont fall sleep yet.
cuba utk study start at 9 am.
cuba amalkan sembahyang Dhuha.

jgn malas.
in sha Allah.. the future belongs to those who prepared it TODAY!

goodnight then.
Assalamualaikum.

Opportunity

Alhamdulilah, my second meeting with my supervisor running smoothly. hihi.. I'm now surrounding with intellectual person, which are research officer, future lecture and others. I'm glad for who I am now. Just feeling glad, not yet proud. this is my opportunity to develop my self into the world. Surrounding with intellectual people, make me feel enthusiastic. They really inspired me. someday I will stand on the top of the world. living a life like this make me feel so energetic. well, i still keep my dream to study abroad. in sha Allah. Phd still waiting for me. who know perhaps someday i will become one of the most leading person in whole world. in sha Allah again. i learn, i learn and i learn. Allah always there for me. lets think, Allah give me a body, a soul then why waste it? be someone useful. not useless.

*i need to get improve of my english phrase. tee hee~

Rolling

Tonight I've try something new - I'm try to roll a coin (20cent) across my knuckles.
say what? then now you know how boring I am stay in home. hahha!
how the idea to roll a coin comes tonight? well, actually im currently listen to the script song. when i watched their MV, i was drawn to know how to play a piano. then, i started to search on youtube 'how to play a piano.' suddenly, i has seen a few comments stated below, they say u must have to learn how to roll a coin first. so, that comment bring me to 'how to roll a coin across my knuckles.' well, i'm still under progress. and hope, i can do it perfectly. hahah! ok bai.

another boring day for today. ^-^)v

concert wannabe

kesian kite baru tahu mende ni today.

gile! a place i want to go. tak tahu why lately tibe2 rasa nk g concert.

well, i never been go to any concert before. how sadly.

ala, just for an experience kan? just once, probably. 

hihihi. my friend try to get a ticket for me. but it's quite expensive.

its ok lah. kalau dapat, dpt lah, kalau tak.. hhihii.. senyum saje.

but i love one republic. i heard almost of their songs.

but i much prefer to go maroon5 or muse. 

so, if tak dapat nevermind lah. hihi.. 

i hope it will be amazing! hihihi..:)

feeling bless*

Back to Saturday, December 29, 2012. there i wrote: i don't want my life to be sad ending..in sha Allah. i'm currently in process to further my study in UPM. syukur sangat-sangat. Allah perkenankan doaku. Alhamdulilah, a day before I went to Jakarta, i got a called from my friend which is my ex supervisor while im doing my final diploma project in usm. he offered me a master research in upm. again, master research! that what i aim for. I will do my best. ya Allah, it is like a miracle. because, i never thought i can get any chance after i let go two offers from unimas and uitm. it all sudden. berkat solat istikarah probably. put all trust in Allah, and He will reward you the best. this is my chance, not the only chance, but it's really big chance for me. anything happen for a reason. 

Life needs changing.

I pray to Allah, to get a husband. and I hope He will grant it.

haha! then i wrote here. yurp, that what i need the most.

no, no. i still need knowledge. that what i need the most.

sumpah demi bulan, sumpah demi bintang, semua jadi saksi cintaaaaaa....
rindunya nak jatuh cinta lagi sekali. :)

The future belongs to those who prepared it today.

I wish my future, dunia akhirat, will be shine. in sha Allah.

Jujur

N.Y cinta
I love this movie so much! but, i hate the ending. aih? mcm tu je?
then dgn si johan yg like a pfffttthh! i hate him. ape lah.. nonsense.
but the best part, when Mia in NY. how she falling in love with Seth.
i love Seth, but he such a loser. but, in the end, he try to move on and change his faith after falling in love with Mia. lg seronok kalau die boleh tnjk Seth tu berjaya. he js fly from NY to Msia js to explain to mia about sarah. that's it? cinta sakan kau. haha. well, that probably the best part. try to change  ur self, for your love one. how lovely. kita bukan bercinta cuma hanya utk nafsu. tp kalau someone tu boleh buat kite berubah utk lebih baik, itu adalah yg terbaik sbnrnye.

i try this b4. to change my ex attitude. unfortunately, still he going down. so, the best thing is to let him go.

well, i love me. now and forever.
this movie makes me want to further my study in New York. no just NY, but i want to explore west side. in sha Allah. i will work hard to achieve my dream! :)

ini lah kehidupan

kehidupan yang aku mahukan? for real?

dah lah bahasa inggeris berterabur. dapat pula supervisor not from my own country. haha! well done.

T-A-K-U-T.

tu lah perkataan yang sentiasa terngiang ngiang di kepala ini.

can i do it? boleh aku jadi secemerlang yang aku impikan?

i have to work hard. dunia ini belum habis ku jejaki.
jika ada umur yang panjang,
London, Berlin, New York, Victoria - sort of city yang aku bakal jejaki.

tapi bila?

bila sampai masa.

persoalan yang aku belom tentu temui. to fulfill a high dream.

but i will, someday.

work hard, stop being lazy.

the third night

I'm OK. a bit confused.

now, it's time to move on!

next step to the bridge.
i will walk alone, ignore all guy because i don't need them.

and this song gave me strength! LET IT GO, and ROOOOARRR!!!

Ujian Allah swt

i have been soooooo fret out lately. then, i hangout with some friend, texting them, ask their experience, then i realize, im not the only one being mad because of jobless. not everyone has born to be rich. alhamdulilah, Allah gave me a mind' lately. and i decide to further my study in future. in sha Allah, i will enhance my ability.

dear vacation, I NEED YOU!
planning to go somewhere far from here. :)

depression

stupid, bodoh, bodoh, bodoh..

what I had learn for many years is like stupidity.

hell what at last i don't even know what I'm doing.

people like to judge, argue and rule.

I should bury myself.

I'm losing hope.
I'm moron.
I'm stupid.

new enviroment

should I further my study?

i don't want to do it for real. honest. getting lost again!
kenapa lah dulu aku tak belajar rajin2 supaya aku tak jd mcm sekarang ni?
kalau spm ritu dpt 9A msty ramai orang sponsor nak study mana, meh2 keje kat company aku.
like hell.

tak kan nak kembali ke unimas? again? nak stuck kat sane?
aku suke lagi buat research. coursework pon not bad. but i do love doing research. masalahnya dekat unimas pulak. tak nak stuck sane, tak nak stuck sane!
aduh. gi mana ni dong? mlm ni, again, insomnia.
kalau uitm, kene ulang alik. bila lah aku nk kurangkan perbelanjaan parent aku ni?
tlg lah, be a designer is tough.

bersyukur

Ya Allah, hati aku masi berfikir mana satu yang perlu aku pergi? jalan mana yang terbaik buat aku?

aku ditempatkan di situasi utk memilih. uitm still in my heart (kunun2 uitm dihatiku lah kan) tapi boleh kah aku melangkau lebih jauh dari ini? where should I go? ikutkan hati, nak je jadi surirumah sepenuh masa. haha! aku perlu bekerja, utk menjamin masa depan anak2. apakah tujuan aku mahukan kerja yang besar? bukan niat dihati mahu bersenang lenang. tapi niat ikhlas aku nak bantu orang lain dalam kesusahan. insyaAllah kalau Allah izinkan. tp Allah sahaja maha mengetahui. mungkin kalau aku hidup senang lenang, aku akan lebih lalai? ya Allah, kau sahajalah yang maha mengetahui. apa yang penting, agar usaha ku akan menjadi tauladan kepada orang lain dan bukan utk riak dan takbur. uitm ke unimas ke kerja? uitm alhamdulilah dapat dah. unimas pun lect dah terima proposal skrg cuma tgu sahaja jika proposal dipersetujui atau tidak. kalau tidak kena lah repair balik. unimas aku dah ade tajuk. uitm pula aku tak ade tajuk cuma aku akan fokus pada medical device. mngkn bukan tajuk yang sama, satu hal pulak aku nk kene cari mende baru. zalim pula kalau aku amek idea tajuk dari unimas. sbb bukan 100% tajuk master datang dari aku. satu hal lagi kalau aku smbung uitm, nak kene cari dan connect balik dgn doktor utk design mende baru. kat unimas aku dah ade doktor yang boleh tolong aku. nak berbincang dgn doktor bukan senang. pengalaman masa buat final year project pn dah cukup sekali dah kene sound dengan head of orthopedic department kat satu hospital tu lah. pastu nk meeting dengan doktor bukan sng. dan nak cari doktor yang boleh share idea design ni pon mslh besauuuu juga. boleh tak aku nak drop semua pastu tidur? of cos lah tak boleh kan? aku kene yakin. peluang ni mcm rezeki juga. rezeki juga datang dari Allah maha besar. Dia dah tetapkan kedudukan aku dimana. kedua-dua tempat ade kelebihan dan kekurangan. tidak ada satu pun yang tertinggal. balance. kalau aku dapat kerja pun bagus juga. kadang2 aku berfikir kalau aku belajar pon, after master nanti nak kene jugak cari kerja. unless dapat peluang jadi pensyarah terus. tapi bagi aku tak seronok lah kan jadi pensyarah tapi tak ada pengalaman kerja dalam bidang yang kita ceburi. setakat pengalaman aku jadi kerani data je mcm tak ade kene mengena langsung. dimana lah hala tuju aku ni. nak sangat bayar duit kereta sendiri, nak beli uma, nak bg duit kat mak ayah tiap2 bulan. siapa yang tak mahu bukan? 

aku cuba. aku akan cuba dan terus mencuba.

masi berfikir.

Alhamdulilah. tetapi disebabkan beberapa masalah yang dialami, terpaksa memikirkan kembali. oh, 24 August is just around the corner! Ya Allah, tlg lah hambamu ini memilih masa depan yang tepat. amin.

Luahan hati

alhamdulilah, last day dapat sms from uitm dapat further master in Design Tech. syukur sgt. tak sia2 sakit tekak. interview hari tu mmg aku sungguh2 bercakap. lagi2 dapat panel yg mcm best sgt bersembang. haha! well, now im dead. hari tu dah janji gan prof nk smbung unimas. aleh-aleh apply jugak uitm. mmg sgt stress kalau sape2 kat tempat aku ni. aku cube senaraikan masalah aku dibawah:

1. uitm

aku nak sgt smbung uitm. sebab rindu sgt nk msuk belajar balik. padehal baru bp bulan grads. i know i know, im not doing well for my last semester. aritu bile aku jalan2 kat uitm tu, aku taktahu kenapa aku rasa mood study aku dtg. sane campus die rapat2.. mmg tk best. bgnn plak lame. tp bile selami balik, itu lah keseronokan belajar. berbanding unimas, u got everything. biasalah campus baru. cantik. luas. jalan raya besar. tp kemewahan kadang2 buat rasa diri manja. tah lah. biasalah manusia. bg cantik nk buruk, bg buruk nk cantik. haha. ke aku je camtu? hihi. no 1 ni, masalah aku adalah aku suke uitm. nk msuk suasana baru. nk kenal org baru. bukan sebab dekat je (ni satu reason kecik knp nk msk uitm, kecik je tak byk pon tau), kat shah alam aku tau nk pg mn dan tau environment nya. keinginan aku menebal nk join uitm.

2.unimas

di unimas, aku tak suke stay sane for a long period. aku admit, aku sbnrnye tak berapa suke lect sane. wow. huge impact for me ok. aku tk tahu kenapa. aku rasa lect sane bias. itu cume pandangan aku shj lah. sbnrnye mereka semua baik. mungkin salah aku yg down. sape lect yg suke student dwg down kan? aku cume sayangkan supervisor aku dan wife die je. wpon wife die aku jarang jumpe. sayang bukan bermakne aku ade affair. no no no hell nooo! im already assume him as my father. great father. aku rasa dalam semua lect, die swg je pnh ckp kat aku 'awak boleh pg jauh.' he is the one who never fail to trust me. bila dapat offer master bawah die, rasa mcm heaven sgt. tp ni lah mslh no 2 aku, aku anti dah gan unimas. rasa mcm udah2 la tu. bile lagi nk cr pengalaman di luar? it might be 5 or 6 years u will stuck in unimas. 

3. research vs coursework

ni lah mslh utama aku. uitm aku dapat coursework. unimas pula research. hasil pembacaan aku melalui blog2 orang lain menyatakan kalau nk jadi lect boleh lah amek research. kalau amek coursework ni keje biasa2 je. supervisor aku pon ckp kalau research ni, semua tmpt boleh pg. sijil die lagi laku berbanding coursework. coursework ni utk orang yg dah keje dan dwg mungkin nk naik pngkat atau gaji etc. aku sgt keliru kat sini. which one is right for me. bukan aku tak nk buat research kat tmpt lain. well, aku ni tk yakin sbnrnye nk bergerak solo. buat research ni swg2. atleast kalau aku buat research kat unimas, aku kenal lah mn2 orang yang boleh bantu aku. mcm senior ke, membe2 ke, or lect2 lain ke kan. aku hanya ada 2 pilihan je skrg ni. research at unimas OR coursework at uitm. mn satu yang sesuai dengan aku ni.

4. kerja

bidang kerja sgt meluas di kuala lumpur. eceh.. aku nk kerja sbnrnye. kalau smbung belajar sampai 5-6 tahun tak ade pengalaman kerja tak gune jugak kan? aku tak tahu cite2 aku nk jadi ape. kalau lah aku dapat kerja kat panasonic ke konon2 nye lah kan. gaji sedikit pon aku snggup asalkn ade pngalaman kerja. aku baru igt nk kerja kat ex office bapak aku kat sg buloh. saje nk timba pengalaman. igt nk start bulan 7 ni. tp mlshnye, aku yg malas lagi malas ni tunda lepas raya. tibe2 dapat pulak panggilan uitm tu on 24 august. mmg tak yah nk kerja lah kan gayanya. 

proposal utk dihantar ke unimas tk siap2 dr bulan lepas lagi. gile betui aku ni. mak aku dah bising dah kenape tak siap2 lagi proposal. mak aku nk sgt aku smbung unimas, bapak aku je mcm tak kesah cume lebih ok kalau aku smbung uitm. mungkin sebab dekat kot. easy for him to look after me. kesimpulan dari hasil perbincangan masalah-masalah diatas, aku sendrik tatahu ape yg terbaik utk diri aku ni.. aku lost sgt. kemahuan diri. kesayangan diri. nasib lah bf aku pon situasi mcm aku jugak. tp aku rasa die boleh buat pilihan. kadang2 aku rasa nk drop off semua hal ni. pastu tah. aku taktahu ape nk jadik. aku hilang cite2. aku ade gak cite2 nk jd pensyarah. wpon tak hebat, tp aku nk cube. cite2 terbesar aku kalau dapat bukak firm design sendirik. tp tu agak high expectation lah kan? apply jadi pegawai takbir diplomatik pon exam gagal. cenggane lah hidup aku ni? aku nk kahwin. nak jugak ada family. sape tak nk kan. tp kalau dah hdup aku terumbang ambing cam sekarang ni payah jugak. aku nk cube lepaskan diri dr tanggungan mak ayah. aku nk balas pulak jasa dwg. bile dah stuck mcm ni, aku jadi sangat keliru. blog je lah tempat aku meluahkan perasaan aku. 

2nd ramadhan

I'm home. and I found out that better I stay in Kuching rather than KL.

sebabnya, di KL mmg aku tidur makan semua terhidang selesa jgn cakap lah kan.

still in dilemma should I get a job or pursuing master? disebabkan bukan budak pandai lah smpi skrg kerja tak dapat2 lagi. dimanakah arah tujuan ku? hmm.. mlm ni tak ade kerja, so nk bukak auto cad tutorial pon mls. muahahha! aleh-aleh bukak hijab/ shawl tutorial dalam utube. mmg tah hape2.. hahah!

sambil mengunyah gula-gula faveret aku yang aku jumpa kat kuching b4 balik KL ritu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

dan aksi melampau poyo aku memalam buta ni. muahahahha!

mmg aku mereng dah ni.

aku mmg suke pakai shawl jugak. ye lah konon nak nampak lawo. but I have only one problem.

rimas sangat2 bila shawl tu kene lilit2 plus kene pakai inner neck so that baru boleh pakai ala2 hana tajima etc. uhhh! rimas ba kalau aku. come on this is msia. even mase aku g korea in summer pon boleh pengsan. facepalm* 

ok that it for now.

enter

so, i tak tahan, i sms je ke no ni: unimas result 15888

ta daaa! i got the result. ok, i become small number.

result tak memberangsangkan.

sem lepas lagi bagus. ni makin down. 

tp Alhamdulilah, aku mmg nk result aku tak bergerak pon. haha! 

no dekan for my bachelor, ever.

menyesal aku belajar. 

result cgpa, currently: no moving up, not moving down. stick. just like before. what ever is it, alhamdulilah.. i capai target.

9 july 2013

ambil tarikh ni, sematkan dalam hati sedalam2 nya. tarikh ni lah penentu masa depan aku kelak. haha! kalau result okay master lah jawabnye. kalau tak, bidang pekerjaan lah gamaknye. muahahhah! masalahnya, waktu skrg, line dok busy memanjang. aku tgh demam ni. wpon baru balik dating sambil tgk despicable me 2. haha! so, berbaloi ke aku tgu result dr td dok refresh2 ni? adeyh... penantian tup tup tgk result tk leh tido mlm, demam terus berlanjutan. ahhh! sud i wait another few minute? duh! 

i m w a i t i n g t h e r e s u l t ! s t i l l

1st day after my birthday

mlm ni aku baca balik belog2 aku yg lepas2.. hahaaha! mmg serious baca dgn penuh sabar. dgn otak mengambarkan masa dulu2.. hihii.. aku jatuh, aku bangkit, kini aku jatuh kembali. tetapi, aku yakin aku mampu bangkit. tiada penyesalan. aku dua puluh lima. inginkan perkerjaan. yang boleh menjamin masa depan. seorang boyfriend yang sudah layak bergelar bakal suami. aku yakin, aku mampu dapatkannya. aku yakin. sebab aku bukan seorang yang give up. aku adalah seorang yang mampu bangkit setelah jatuh. ahhaha! ape lah aku mngarut ini.. hmm.. aku dah abes belajar. tak ada lagi asgmnt, tiada lagi pensyarah, tiada lagi kelas. hahahhahahah! ahhahah! aku  nak bermalas2. lantak lah korang nk ckp ape. aku dah abes belajar. skrg tgh aim nk kejar sarjana pula. huhu! 

"YAKIN BOLEH 

YEAY YEAH 

OLE OLE 

YEAH!"

lagu amende tah*

hahihiahiahia..

Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku dunia akhirat.

when time arrived

esk hari jadiku. im not even feel so excited at all. 

im 25, and i don't have a job. and i don't own a house. and my dad still pay for my loan car. 

im still loser. loseeeeer!

dinihari

kadang-kadang terfikir,
'kalau lah aku tahu aku berada di industrial design field,' memang dari dulu lagi aku apply awal2, gain knowledge awal-awal. ini tidak, dah ke depan mcm ni nak catch up balik, nak mula dari awal balik, mmg payah. 'the only reason why i didn't apply for design field is because i'm afraid to step forward. design need sense. and i don't think i have that sense. furthermore, i don't have any skills related to drawing, sketching etc.' come on-lah, practice make perfect. the more you gain, the more you will get. insyaAllah, if i get a chance later, I will make it real. it's not about time, but it's all about how you manage your self. one day, I hope, I can be someone who really can depends of. amin.

Master Arts & Design UITM interview

I supposed update this blog about a week before but i didn't make it due to 'kesibukan menguruskan' my final year day. ok, now lets begin.

alhamdulilah, 2 weeks b4 that dapat panggilan temuduga di UITM Shah Alam.

unfortunately, i'm still in Sarawak. so, i call mama asking for her opinion. 

then she said, just go and at least u have an experience.

uh, it's ok. so i balik sebab my mum sponsor ticket. muahahaha..

dengan tesis tak hantar lagi, dengan minggu examnya, masyaAllah.

balik just for 2 nights 2 days. oh really! mmg lepas ni boleh beli private jet sebijik!

hahah..

so, on 24 June tu, pergi lah drive sorang2 to Shah Alam around 7 am.

nasib dulu study at politeknik. easier for me to recognize jalan.

sampai2 je, sekali sedar diri keluar ni tak bawak wallet! yes. wallet.

so mmg drive illegal lah aku sebenarnye.. nasib time interview they didn't ask for IC. kalau tak, tktau nk cakap ape tah.. so, i attend the interview with my boyfriend. we both interview for the same course,

master in A&D (Design Technology)/ coursework.

sampai je di faculty A&D around 8.15 am. yes! sharp time.

then, kami check nama unfortunately me & bf dapat lain2 panel. maybe i'm still in final year while my bf already grads. nvm. i'm wait about one hour! dengan jerebu in KL that time. aduh! oh ya, at the same time i got sore throat on that day! nak bercakap dengan orang pon suara tak keluar. 

after waiting about one hour, baru kami diberi one A4 paper. kami disuruh menulis short essay and the question is "Why do you want to pursue postgrads in UITM?" - lebih kurang igt soalan nya mcm tu..

aduh, leceh pula mahu menulis2 ni.. tgh2 dok pk, suddenly terpandang paper candidate sebelah, WOW! kau tulis smpi full, kemain. ok, that guy mmg bersungguh nk sambung. aku? masih tercegat memikirkan ayat. so dalam dok merapu2 tu, key word die sebenarnya just - "i want to gain knowledge from other universities" je. aku pon tktau ape aku mngarut kat stu. haha! what ever lah. aku tunggu lagi. dah lah tak ade suara. jerebu pula. mmg jem paler aku dok menunggu berjam2.. then, other candidate sorang tu pon tye kat staff situ,

 'Miss, bila nk buat ujian melukis?' 

then she said, 'tak de ujian melukis, just tulis essay je. so, from that essay kami akan nilai anda. tulis betul2 lah, jgn suke2 ati je' 

Oh gosh, again. kene tambah ke-rapu-an essay lagi ni. around 11 am, baru nama aku kene panggil. dah lah panas sbb jerebu. bila masuk bilik meeting, i di interview oleh 2 panel. one from fashion, another one from industrial design. bila masuk je, with suara serak mcm Ella, 

'I'm sorry, I got sore throat today'. 

then they ask? 'why?',

I just reply 'I don't know, I woke up this morning, then it's all happen'. 

they just smile. then i gave her my essay, put all my portfolio on the table. 

when she looks at my essay, die terus tangkap ayat "i want to gain knowledge from other universities". 

she just ask 'why?'. 

bla-bla-bla... 

then, swg lagi panel smile sinis - then he ask, 'what happen to your university? is it not good?'. 

I keep explain this and that bla bla bla.hahaha! tak baik tau kutuk university asal kite. hehe.

then he ask me again, 'if u further in here, so what topic do you want to research?'. 

after all, they just give supporting, idea etc.
they both so nice btw.

oh ya, they don't even see my portfolio. hmm.. nvm then.

that all actually, it's just take around 10 minute. maybe sebab jerebu kot kat luar. so, mereka just interview sekejap je. well, i don't care if dapat or tidak. but, it's soooo fun bila dapat peluang bercakap2, bertukar pendapat, idea and sell ourself with other pensyarah terutamanya daripada univ. lain. kan kan kan? ihihi... Oh, tak sabar nya nak tahu result. tapi skrg aku still prepare my research proposal utk master in research kat unimas juak! aih, malas gilak kmk maok polah proposal tok~

I want to talk more, but sore throat barrier me to do so!

* Do ignore my grammar, vocab and malay-lish! 

hahhahha! 

thanks and ok bai.

Final year.

miserable. i feel like, i have done nothing for my final year. it's like zero. hmm.. 

how can i achieve my self into higher level?

i got a chance, then i find out that i'm not capable to do so. 

i go no where now.

ya Allah, YOU are my creator, please show me the right way. 

i love Allah.

;'(

Invitation letter

Alhamdulilah, I got invitation for coursework master of design tech. ok, flight 22 jun dah beli, balik unimas 24 jun pon da beli. balik for a few day make me crazshieee! never mind, thesis siap dah. i keep googling how the interview, what are the question n etc, unfortunately, i couldn't find it. aih!! kenak sik da orang post about this? it's okay, i hope everything will be ok. uihh.. uitm. get seriousssshhhly? i'm feel so nervous. keep thinking about my future. i don't want to stuck in unimas for long period. i need to move out. it's not about time being, but it's about quality. grab every opportunity, face the reality. walla! wish me luck you guy. huuu.. 

well, hello back Shah Alam! 

Listen careful

I've become 

out of control

anger

hatred

annoyed

 aversion

miserable

 grudge

...

I'm feel so down because one word.

bias.

hari ini

memikirkan, kemana selepas degree?

waaaahh.. tajuk nk masyuk. well. that the reality.

i got a chance to pursuing master in uniams. im still thinking. should I? i should?
kerja? belajar? kerjabelajar...

duit. family. tah lah.. ape nk jadi. people talk easily. but they don't know what in my mind.

noted!

i hate grammar!

judgemental

helo hi good morning. just now i just watched hmm.. mr.lutfi's video in utube. and the title is judgemental. bila2 dah tgk video tu mmg lah sheronok. tp bila dok baca komen2 merapu kat bawah tu, haha! ok, look i dah judge orang. ya, i admit. menda tak boleh lari dari men - judge people. especially people around us. day by day, i try to improve. jgn mgata orang, jgn dok mgata orang, jannnagnnnnnn..

just pray for someone else. pray = positive. eh diaaaa tu..... (aku doakan dia.....) ehhh diaaaa niiii... (aku doakan kan dia....) insyaAllah, berkat hidup kau. rezeki melimpah ruah.. syukur sgt2.. 

it is so hard to change people's mind. 

doa is free. free of charge. so, start to pray now. for muslim, start your doa with selawat kepada Rasullulah. kelak di akhirat senang. lalalalalall~ 

continuous

hidup dan kehidupan tak dapat dipisahkan.

bila diri stresshhh.. sebenarnya tak stress mn pon. cuma 'terlalu banyak berfikirkan tentang kehidupan' yang menjadikan aku stress. kita yang menekan diri kita sendiri. nak 'purrrrfect', in the end, jd 'pfffft' je.

oh ya, now i dah berpunya kembali. malas lah nak fikir lama2. sometimes we need to rest put the probs down, and solve it later. ya, sometimes. jgn buat always. nanti berkumpul probs satu hal plak. haha.

hmm.. i was thinking to have a berry very comfort life. but, orang kaya tu, bukan ada life pon actually. mereka akan sibuk cari duit merata2. i ask my self. do i need duit or life? tak da duit, ada life - mslh jugak, its like, i got my life but i need them to be happy. aku tak nk aku swg je happy sbb aku ada life. tak ada life, byk duit - mslh jugak. so, be hardworking. or be lessworking? how about tak ada duit, tak ada life?- too loser. but bila ada duit, ada life - that impossible.

which one i prefer?
only i know the answer.

V for voting

All I can see here, people get noob.

sadness..

I'm sad because I am a loser
I'm sad because I'm not a good person
I'm sad because I can't make a thing right
I'm sad because I am who I am
I'm sad because this is not a real me

to whom who may concern,

i miss me.
i miss me.
i miss me.

but now i'm down.
totally lost.
totally sad.
no one could understand me.
because me is me.
hopeless.
listen right: hopeless.

I'm not dying.
but i just freeze.

to whom who may concern,

to Allah i pray for success.
to Allah i pray for happiness.
to Allah i pray for grateful.

beyond imagination:

who could I be?
what should I be?
how could I be?
where should I be?

the main question is: when should I start to be?

my mind freeze - my mind lot of thinking - my mind just stop moving.

what, who, where, how and when: I want to be?

I say i love myself. they say i just love myself.
In this whole world...
I'm lost for everything.

to whom who may concern: believe in yourself. you may could make thing right. this is world. which lot of suffer. listen to earth. be real. be you.

2013!

Assalamualaikum 2013!

it's 2013! heyloooooooooo uoolllllllss!

sesungguhnya, setiap tahun, saya tak pernah ade azam.

tapi tahun ni, ape kata pasang azam..

dear 2013,
please be clever with me.
i want to have a husband this year (ayat berani mati)
i want grads this year in 1st class (haha! pray pray pray*)
to have a job
to live happy
make everybody smile!
be a better person

ehmmm.. tak nak banyak2. tkt tak mampu.
hahah! no idea for my 2013!
i hope 2013 is more nicer than before!

hanisah hanisah! u can u can u can!!