Diamond word

"I'm not a bright student, but I always keen to learn new things"

Addicted

Bidang research ni sgt meluas. eeerrr.. actually i have a lot of thing to story. but i will start with my favorite part of my life. 10 August 2014 was my favorite date in my life, so far. I have been proposed by my hunny bumby boyfriend. of should i call him now pre-fiance. kekekke.. Alhamdulilah, everything goes smoothly. Our relationship are accepted by our parent. Now, we are in level one. there is a lot of level waiting. probably in Nov or Jan i will do my official kenduri for my engagement ceremony. ok. that another part of my life. next is my career. Alhamdulilah, so far i get clear what my research is about. yurp, before this, my research plan has become so worst. not i mean worst. i feel hanging. now i have to back on track, plan my research wisely. if not, i bet i can't finish my research on time just because of my laziness habit. next, i have a dream/plan to doing research attachment overseas. perhaps Australia. but, my cousin give suggestion to me to go to Netherlands! facepalm* currently, im still searching for any Univ which suitable on my research. i'm also have dream/plan to make my own conference in overseas! so far, im already ask a person who has once doing her conference in Korea. it's not too hard unless u r lazy to search an opportunity. May Allah bless my doa. amin.

There is a lot of changing in life. positive changing. and i hope i will last forever. yeah, for sure Allah will give lots of trials, to make sure we are in good track. but no matter what, we as a him servant, have to deal with it. in sha Allah. thank you Allah.

hey nisya!

"When the last time I'm doing something NEW?"

i is forgot.

look up

tgh kelebihan orang lain kadang2 mmg buat aku give up.

cemburu dgn life dwg.

yg dwg plak mmg jenih menunjuk2.

tp ape2 pon, kene tgk tmpt kite balik. mngkn nasib mmg tk sama.

cuma in my own path, i still can walk calmly.

"nisya, u are really, really, really at the right path. plis dont destroy it just because u r envy with others life."

kajian

Buat research ni kena banyak membaca. masalahnye, aku malas membaca. how is it?

it not going to be a best year of my life, perhaps?

hmm..
pening nye lah buat proposal ke pon.. belom lg thesis.. byk mengarut je proposal. takut tak best nanti ape pulak jadik? haih.. buat je lah sha smpi abes.. tu lah main2 tgl pastu last minute baru nk buat. padan muke. hihi..

moment

"dalam banyak2 moment, kenapa aku paling rindukan moment kat politeknik?"

aku rasa..

aku rasa lepas master ni kene stop kejap lah. cari keje.. supposed keje dl baru smbg study so at least i know mana nak narrow down my research. dah lah amek research. hmm. takpe lah.. buat yg terbaik je lah. susah mmg susah. boring mmg boring. skrg ni buat je dulu. mmg sakit hati kalau lepak gan org dah keje. tgk achievement dwg.. im so envy. mmg tk dinafikan. kadang2 tgk boyfriend sendrik stress keje, kite plak rasa best nye kalau aku kat tmpt die. tp kite tak rasa, betapa org lain nk berada kat tmpt kite ni ha. hmm.. susah nk explain.. org mcm aku ni, i mean diri aku lah, skrg tak byk communicate gan org luar. agak susah nk improve myself. kejap2 rasa loser member semua dah keje best2.. siap pening nk meeting, present, g conference. aku ni baru sekali present. tapi alhamdulilah lah. seronok sebenarnye present. process berbincang tu kita leh dapat byk input-output. tadi member tanya nk jadik ape? aku pening nk jawab. nk jd lect. tp pglmn kerja tu tak byk. well, im just say, pk2 balik rezeki org ni lain2 weh. ade yg dpt bgs. ada yang tk. semua bergantung gan usaha kite. in sha Allah, aku boleh. 

getting day by day

study setakat ni alhamdulilah. even mcm kucar kacir skit, tp boleh lah nampak progress nye..

tapi skrg ada satu mende meragui pemikiran. 

even baru bulan May > June > July > AUGUST!

August, satu bulan yang agak mencabar pemikiran.

satu era yang bakal ditempuhi.

perasaan excited+happy+scared+berdebar, aihhh semua ada lah.

positive, negative. semua ada weh.

taktau lah.

perbincangan semakin serious. 

betul ke ni? rasa sebelum ni nak sgt, tapi bile hampir2 ke arah mende tu, rasa seram plak?

i can do it. smpi bile nk hidup mcm ni kan? perubahan mendadak perlu jugak sebab kita sebagai manusia perlu melalui satu fasa dimana satu perubahan ketara bakal terjadi bagi membolehkan kita bergerak kehadapan dan menempuh cabaran kehidupan dunia dan juga pasti akhirat juga.

pjg ayat aku ni. hihi..

doakan semua berjalan lancar. 

another 3 month lagi. ya Allah, harap ini kali lah. haha! yea yea. i mean, no more guy after this.

amin.

p/s: pencarian Queen of the ring bermula. :)

Lesson for today

STOP  COMPLAIN EVERYTHING,

MOVE OUT!

YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON YOUR HAND, NOT OTHERS!

pray.

how I wish he can pay all the money, he had used mine before? especially DUIT MINYAK AKU!

bloody hell.

because i need money to survive.

kbai.

i hope when he die and i will never halalkan all his hutang! haha! padan-muke-kau!

sembang

Disebabkan kos nak kawen tu tinggi sangat, so aku nk focus kat study aku dl lah.

hahahaha!

so jgn dok bising and tanya bile aku nak kawen. hakikatnya aku tak de duit nak kawen.

hahhahah!

kbai.

YEAR 2003

hamaigaddd! i found this through youtube, yea obviously! hahah!

throwback almost all my fav song, beyonce, sean paul, justin timberlake, ashanti! hamaigad!

masa ni form 3.. haha! layan hitz.fm je time tu.. best gile weh! ahahhaha! i miss those moment.

i miss my past! best sgt2!! g party. having fun with friend. haha! do illegal thing, lepakkkkkkk klcc, sg wang.. masalah sosial yang sgt2 besttttt! it really teach me a lot. memberontak je keje. haha! tak mcm sesetengah org yg tahu follow je family rules kan? thumb down. booooo!

BEST GILE..

paling best, when i found out my bf also having a same moment with me. layan lagu yang same. situation a bit different, but still masalah remaja yang memberontak tu ade. hahah! that make me really fall for you Yazid. you really truthfully understand my life!

i think we are really meant together. in sha Allah.

counting stars to the next level within this year. Alhamdulilah, thanks for being so serious with me, struggle to have a life with me. a big thank you.

Duit

Duit claim mybrain15 tatahu bile leh dapat
Duit allowance research assistant tatahu bile leh dapat
Duit Brim tatahu bile leh dapat
Duit Bb1m tatahu bile leh dapat

Duit Duit Duit

aduh.. pening pk.. tak de duit tak leh hidup.. THIS IS REALITY!

Return if possible

this is breaking news. about MH370. my thought keep saying, how many time i've been survive from any accident related to airplane? 3 years, ulang alik KL-Kuching, then my flight to KL-Korea, KL-Mecca. it not much, compared with others, but still i risk my life on air. hmm.. ya Allah, permudahkan lah semuanya. Kau memberi ku peluang utk ku bertaubat. tapi aku kerap gagal memegang janji ku. i know, soon, You will take my soul. matikan lah aku dalam keadaan yang beriman ya Allah. T.T 

life is not promises. it all depends on You. 

alfatihah.

pray4mh370

I got an email

email from my supervisor. aahhhh... there is meeting with director on next monday. and i need to propose a slide to present my tittle in front of the director. and my feeling going miserable, at the same time being excited. lama tak present and meet someone important. hihi. hope everything going well. hope the director will have something to discuss. im scared, if i will do something not good. they will blame me. yes, im the one who will get blame. shame on me. but still, dont lose hope. do the best. stop trying. make as good as u can. i know im good. huhu.. peace out-

penat2 berfikir..

Alhamdulilah dapat perkabaran gembira dikala hati tgh gundah gedala. hahaha!

haih.. nmpoknye, Allah dah makbulkan doa aku. alhamdulilah. diberinye kesedihan dan kemudiannya Dia hadiahkan kegembiraan. aku kenal erti syukur. alhamdulilah. i found my path.

naluri hati

kenapa lah hidup aku ni malang sangat? kenapa tuhan susah sgt nak bagi jalan kat aku? aku dah bosan belajar. dok uma tk buat ape. nak suh study otak aku dah tak boleh masuk pape dah. stress betui lah. malas sgt ke aku ni? aku just tak tahu nak buat ape. aku just nk life normal2 je. mmg lah nk jd org kaya. tp tu dulu. skrg ni rasa, nk jd normal pon susah. inikan nk jadi org kaya. sy mksdkan kat sni org kaya ni mean org berjaya dr segi kewangan. entah lah. start dah meroyan balik ni. jalan aku salah ke? kenapa time2 mcm ni tuhan nk bg feeling nk kawen tu kuat sgt? dah bagi aku feeling nk kawen pastu tak bg jalan yg sepatutnye. 

kalau org baca mmg semua akan kutuk. ptt aku perlu berusaha. tp org lain, faham ke? 

menghitung hari. membazir masa. 

impian bukan punah cuma hilang. 

face the reality. 

luahan hati yang belum tentu semua org faham.

kenapa aku kian jatuh?

another day, just another day.

hari yang semakin membosankan. nak membaca sikit bukan main malas lagi. HAHA! selalu kene tegur gan supervisor, how long have u read? i need to change! kene cari tempat yg sesuai tuk reading memandangkan skrg musim panas melampau. huhu. i miss library, i miss cais. hmm..

kereta mimpi

or dream car. nowadays, i don't have any feeling to own any dream car since i don't even have one! like, seriously? but why? ye lah kan, sejak aku rasa kereta bukan lagi kehendak aku. sekadar memakai saga FLX silver aku yg acap kali rosak. huhu. ganas ke aku bawak? 2 tahun ok je kat Kuching. ok now aku nak salah kan sape? hahahah! well, tah lah. dah kata machine, surely lah rosak tu of cos will occur. hmm.. now i keep looking and searching at house. to have and own a dream house. dream house aku skrg terbahagi kepada dua. which satu utk aku duduk for a few, i mean ye lah lepas kahwin so sure nk stay kat any apartment. right? rumah skrg mahal. susah nk memenuhi keinginan sendiri. sekadar syukur je gan ape yg ade. then, perhaps if ade rezeki boleh lah move on to another bigger house, or land house. itu pon kalau aku ni gaji in sha Allah besar lah. am I right? nowdays, 26, aku dah mule rasa goyah. menangani tekanan hidup. nak tak nk kene tempuh juga. tak kan nk depends on parent? oh no no.. tak boleh tak boleh. mmg lah orang ckp perempuan ape ade hal? suami kan ade. but for me, i have my own dream career. to be an intelligent and successful women in researching area, in sha Allah. :) well, that it for now. 

take care, love.

Hot weather.

This HOT weather is killing me!

masya Allah..

nak study tak senang.

mood tunggang terlabik.

kahkahkah.

i love u so.

Is that?

I don't know, everytime i think about my future career, my study, all probs appear, i feel like so miserable. and i hate it. but, when i start thinking about get married, my heart turn into mellow, melt, happy, smile. haha! well, at least ade benda yang boleh cheer me up! even kadang2 stress pk about married. ye lah nk save money, nk kene tu ini. mungkin ade hikmah nye bile Nabi s.a.w berpesan,

“Berkahwinlah, sesungguhnya wanita itu akan mendatangkan kekayaan kepadamu dari harta benda.”

hmm, tu lah die. kekayaan yang dimaksudkan mungkin kebahagian dunia akhirat. kan?

smile face*

Delivery

hahaa.. ok malam ni tak-sangat-rare bile aku google barang hantaran. well it not actually barang hantaran yg aku google cuma aku google style hantaran yang aku nak. i mean, i just don't get any idea how to explain it. well, ni contoh yang aku rasa aku nak buat hantaran kat laki aku.. simple, running just a few color well in another word it's called monochrome color. ahaa.. yurp, using pastel color is more suitable for my hantaran.

ok, i took it from google image.

so as u can see above, warna tak byk lari la kan. still ade warna2 yang tak menyerabut kan kepala hotak aku. hahha! ok, now im begin to research more about weds stuff. weee.. can't wait to get married soon. alhamdulilah setakat ni no halangan from my and his parent. now focus nk kumpul duit je dulu. in sha Allah. doakan yang terbaik utk kami. 

love, love, love~

aih..

Aku dah mula bosan dok uma.

tak buat ape.

ape jadi kat yuran kau bayar MYR2,100 utk master of science kau nisya?

duit tu kalau tak buat ape2 dah boleh msuk TABUNG ASB kau tuk KAWEN kau tahu tak?

thing I regret.

:'(

Jedi word.

mende ni lah yg aku tgh praktik kan. 

sampaikan relationship aku skrg pon, aku cakap tak nk try.

just go on.

Alhamdulilah, semua berjalan lancar.

now, nak kene praktik kan on my study.

in sha Allah.

”if you want to see change, you must be the change you want to see”. - Mahatma Gandhi

Wish list updated

Dulu dulu dulu, wish list aku ini. eh? 

❒ buy an apartment

❒ get a dean list for my next semester

❒ continue study in abroad 

❒ be a great researcher!

❒ lose my weight to 48 kg!

❒ get a Mazda 3

❒ buy an iMac

❒ improve my english.

❒ get married at 30. eh, ni pun nk masuk jugak ke?

knp dah ilang dari blog? sebab aku rasa mcm tak layak dapat semua ni..
no no, mende penting mcm ni mn boleh hilang dari kotak pemikiran. haha.. 
now, i need to create the new one. or maybe just improve my wish list before? hahaha..

WISH LIST (UPDATED):

❒ finish my master in at least a year and half

❒ be a great researcher!

❒ buy an apartment/ house before 30

❒ further study in abroad

❒ work out on fat belly

❒ get a Mazda 3

❒ improve my english

❒ get married with Yzid and hv babies

yet, my mind still loading the idea. what i really want in my life.

to be continue...

this is love

nchazid

Oct31 and still counting

Alhamdulilah.

i think i'm already found a guy, who i can depends on.

who will never break my heart, who really always there for me when i really need him.

thank you Allah, thank you bb. 

for always believing me, for ACCEPT the way i am.

in my mind, i still think, he's the ONE. 

because 

u already know all my dark side and dirty secret, 

but still, u call me your love.

T.T

Mengidaman memalam

Oi! tekak aku tibe2 rasa nak minum teh tarik. APE HAL? ahhahahahhahha! 

image from google.com

hahhaha! aku dah kenapa?

tibe2 rindu zaman dl2 teh tarik mmg fav aku. 

aku pun tatahu bile aku stop minum teh tarik ni. mybe dah tak stay dalam keadaan zaman poli dl.

"jum weh lepak ali, subani etc"

dalam banyak2 memories kat dunia ni, zaman poli aku paling melekat habes. aku pn tatahu knp.

laaaahaiii.. zaman tu paling jahanam kot. hahaha! biasalah. menda jahanam ni kadang2 paling happening nk igt balik. hihihi.. zaman unimas aku rindu pon time lepak bengkel ID, studio ID, and Cais 24 hrs. tu sahaja.

yang lain, ZERO. bile baca balik ayat kat atas, skema betui tempat2 yg aku suke lepak kat unimas? hahahahha...

teroookkknye.. hmm.. 

i feel like i want to go to beach. release my mind. enjoy the environment.

tp tu lah, nk plan tu susah betui memandangkan aku duk gan family balik dah skrg, so nk kua uma tu mmg merisaukan mama aku. nampak tak bile dah matang, umo pon dah 26 time ni aku dah mule menjaga hati mama aku. eh, ni kalau umo early 20 ni, lantak aku lah nk g mana aku suke. hahhahahha!

matang dah nisya? sheriously? hahha.. jelirlidah*

dah sampai time aku focus kat future.

lupekan sekejap plan nk kawen umo around 30.

ni dah mcm bakal2 awal je.

aduh! cakap pasal kawen, masya Allah, ramai nye membe aku dah kawen?

umagggaihhh!!! tak senang dah hati ni. dulu aku tk pnh nk pk keseriousan berkahwin ni.

tapi memandangkan mcm ade jodoh je, Alhamdulilah. insha ALlah, subhanaAllah.

haha. ape benda tah lah..

maybe this is one of orang kata pendorong jugak lah kan. kalau tak pk mende2 ni semua, atas katil aku masih terbongkang. iye dok? hahhaha!

eh pjg plak aku pnye post.. kat tgh plak tu. haha! aduh..

p/s: baru pas daftar kat upm on 7 feb ritu. hey hey hey! im officially a student, again! being a master student by research was really tough. eleh, gaya mcm dah mule present bagai je. miahahhah! doakan yang terbaik. insha Allah. ade lah tu rezeki. >.>

nitey & Assalamualaikum

February, 11

oh. im feeling so tired. tak de tired sgt pon. mlm ni aku DELETE abes semua post yg tak de kaitan gan hidup aku. haha! i just realized, tak banyak menda aku post dalam blog aku ni dah. haha! aku tetap suke baca post aku time mule2 masuk unimas. lucu ba! sebab time tu semua post meroyan nak balik kl. then now i realized, Allah dah bagi peluang kembali ke KL np aku tak boleh nk buat betul2? jgn lah semangat aku hilang. hmm.. tu la die. tapi seriously, my life getting better because im currently surrounded by people who support me. Alhamdulilah. ape nak cerita mlm ni? i'm 26, and i'm truly scared of my future. bukan zaman aku sedang mencuba. now zaman aku dah perlu start my engine and enjoy my journey. my Allah, can i face it? dah abes dah 3 tahun suffer in unimas. actually not unimas bikin suffer. i mean study life as a student yg jaoh merantau mcm aku ni haaa.. haha! well, Alhamdulilah i think Allah already gv me a man who match with myself. so i no need to hide certain menda mcm dl. this is me. real me. i need to study hard. tp tu lah die. mslh die aku mls membaca. camno tu nk jd researcher berjaya kalau dah malas membaca. oh NO!!!! please jgn mls. but aku mls jugak. >.< i need to do this for my kids. hmm.. no in current mood nk menulis pjg2. sebab banyak cabaran yg ada perlu diselesaikan. 

cabaran: tajuk research yg masih tergantung, scholarship yang masih menunggu keputusan, allowance mcm mn pula?, daftar subject mcm mn?

ahhhhh! pening betui lah. its like aku sedang melarikan diri dari cabaran tu pasai i much prefer ignore all my research. tu lah mslh aku. feeling sleepy. 

tlg jgn hanyut, tlg jgn hanyut.

Allah, permudahkan lah urusan dunia akhirat aku. T.T feeling really empty and sad. 

eh? How time flies!

eh dah february, 10? makaihhh..

ok. ok. ok.

laju nye masa? >.<

word to think.

"Jadilah hebat di dalam perkara yang kamu minat."

stars

thought for today - 

"tak pandai guna peluang."

elaborate this.

quotes for today

"The moment you think of giving up, 

think of the reason why you held on for long"

counting

"you choose this way, then you have to deal with it"

6.42 pm

between further study and hunting a job.

i got a plan to further study, and i got it.

but all sudden i need money.

i've to forget all my plan before.

did i?

should i?

i feeling so stress here.

but what im doing actually?

nowadays i feel 

empty.

to be continue*

Never knew I needed

When she start to love song, it feel like he'll be mine forever.

and now she knew,

unexpected guy who live on the screen actually hers.

plan changing, she's now totally in love.

>.<

p/s: i love you, Mr. Y.

it's happen.

i suddenly feel giving up.
i couldn't go through it.
masalah kewangan, masalah family.
duit, penting duit tu.
nk makan duit, nak minum duit.
nak hidup duit.

i want to get married. really want.

but it's seem too hard for me to handle.

rasa gv up study even im not entering it yet.

it's all about money actually.

i need to let it go.

but then, where else need i go?

aku tak pandai cari duit. that's the main issues.

what else?

>.<

Keep drunk.

Then, today I keep  listening to this song.



repeat,
repeat,
repeat.

i do miss my Mr. Y! why larrrr why??

i love him. kbai..

Finish line.

Woeeeeewww!! On Oct. 24, i wrote this! hahahah.. lots of meaning actually ayat diatas. yes, ayat diatas adalah atas tergantung. sebab that what im actually feel when i start to think about you. so, today, i want to finish the lyric. because you've safe me from drowning. thank you. 

Dear Mr. Y, this is for you;

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt

Suddenly goes away somehow...

#countingstars

She's falling

The thing i had realized, when i read this;

I don't know how and when it happen, but when i read those word above, you are what i'm thinking about.

I pray to Allah, please this time make it real. i had enough broken before. failed, what i feel.

Dear 2014, i hope i could start something precious this year. no more berangan. now it's time to make a right move.

Dear Mr. Y, i wish we will get together soon. this time for real. in sha Allah.

"When just being together is enough"

Happy new year 2014!!!

ya Allah, aku lupe nk tulis blog about last year punye moment. hahahha! hmm.. weh, boleh tak campur campur ruang menulis? hahah! well, dgr mercun baru terigt, it's 2014 already! hamaigaaaaaaaaaddd! cant believe that.. dapat jugak cecah 2014. dipanjang kan umur. i will be 26 this year. ramai kot memember dah kawen. alhamdulilah. aku? apa cita? pa cita? hahahha! still here. counting stars. in sha Allah. semoga Allah permudahkan jodohku dengan Mr. Y. so what i wish for this year, hmm.. oh wait, i dont want to look back at previous life in 2013. early 2013 really suck! i have a bad relationship b4 this. when i think back, im not supposed to be with him! hahhahaha its ok its alright. everything happen for the reason right? keep calm and dance. eleh. mcm tak match je. hhihi..

holiday season:

this year, its start on January alhamdulilah i got to go back to Makkah and Madinah to do my umrah. syukur sgt dapat pergi lagi. tp sbnrnye g sane tak pernah puas. later on in sha Allah mohon Allah murahkan rezeki utk aku ke sane lagi. tempat paling aman pernah aku jejaki. then on Sept, i fly with my family to Jakarta and Bandung. what im gonna say is, that place su**!!! hahahhahahha!!! aku pon tatahu knp aku tak suke g sane!! ok enough say! tu je vacation termahal aku pg utk this year. for next year? syhhh.. no answer for that.. hhihi..

study:

after struggling to get degree, alhamdulilah i got finish it this year! syukur again. it seems like this year byk rezeki aku dapat utk study. after finish my degree, i got plan to further study. well, it's start with unimas. niat dalam hati tak nk smbung unimas tp terasa mcm rezeki kat sane byk. but aku akhirnye try msk uitm then i got it. unfortunately, still my mind tak nk dua-dua. aku mohon pada Allah swt, aku cuba buat solat istikarah for the 1st time, alhamdulilah i got an offer from UPM! seriously??? i feel like, ya Allah, start from that aku mule percaya kekuasaan dan kelebihan melakukan solat istikarah. so for now, i stick with upm and will register on this year, 2014. plan nk smbung oversea masih menebal. cuma aku kini serahkan pada kuasa Allah. aku sgt percaya Dia ada plan tuk aku. aku perlu berusaha shj..

relationship:

love, i js dont know how to explain. 2013, really really make me confuse about love. hahahahha! sound funny. well, when i let my previous boy go, i feel like, is it for real? sebab niat kat hati mmg nk kat die swg je.. hahaha! lucu lah.. rupanya, again, Allah nk aku jmpe lelaki yg sebenarnye. in sha Allah. tu lah die. aku bertahan mcm mn pon, kalau dah jodoh tu ALlah je yg tau, DIa jugak lah yg tau. i admit, at 1st its hard for me to get him inside. i started to hate love, think about unmarried life. i think it might be ok for me. but when he came into my life, again, im doing my solat istikarah. aku tak cakap 'tak' to him. i just follow my heart. ALlah, u save me. u gv me Mr. Y. and now both of us #countingstars and i hope our plan will go as well. i cant believe, im with someone who actually closed to me, yet still i dont know he might be the one until today, you are the person i dream of. thank you love. no more pretending. 

family:

alhamdulilah.. everything going well. 

friend:

ramai dah kawen!!! ahhahahhahah! aku tidak mampu menahan ketawaku.

i think that enough for moment in 2013. 2013 really bigger change for me. from 25 to 26, i hope i can more mature to face the future. 

well, 2014! welcome to you. 

i will be 26 on this year.

prepare you self for a real battle. excuse no more.

2014, i talk about career.